Days get shorter

Along with James and my planning, we have many projects going now. On top of our projects we need to get things in order for the recovery time. I decided with Father’s Day approaching I’d make the best of it and ordered James a recliner. This isn’t just a plain old boring recliner, no. I ordered him an electric recliner with a USB port so not only does he not have to move to recline but, yes he can keep his phone charged and at his side… every second I’m out of the room! You know, just in case. I also borrowed a mini fridge and compact microwave from a friend to put in the room also. James will be all set to recover with hopefully minimal need to go very far, it should arrive in a few days.

James and I continue to try and enjoy these last two weeks leading up to surgery, taking short trips here and there. Baseball games, beach day trips, movies with kids, we are making the most of every hour together. My incessant questions of concern still annoying him every few hours. So the count down begins.

James is getting more tired these days. He tends to “hit the wall” as he calls it, around 4pm everyday. Some mornings he doesn’t wake all the way when I’m getting ready for work. This is troublesome for us both as just weeks ago James was first up and would walk me to the car everyday, a kiss goodbye and go about his morning on the ranch. Neither James and I have ever been “nappers” remember, us both are used to going at 100mph all the time. James has become a “napper” now. My only request when I’m away being, text me when you lay down and set an alarm for an hour to text me when you wake back up.

There’s something to be said about watching the person you love decelerate daily. It’s a helpless feeling. A feeling similar to guilt that you can still do all the things you once shared together. I wish I could just make this whole thing go away, no pain and I’ll say the cliche of “ I wish it were me, James” but I really do. I don’t want to watch him tired, in pain, any of it. We are supposed to have many years before all that happens. But we don’t. Here we are, waiting, watching, praying… he doesn’t know it but I do, pray.. in my own way, for him.. everyday. The days get shorter, they seem to go by faster and here we are, together. I’m thankful for now, I’m thankful for James, everyday.