So now what?

Getting to the end of my work shift was painful! And then the drive home also seemed to take forever. I had no music on and couldn’t get to James fast enough. I just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was going to be ok. I know deep down it will be.

I can still see the look he had when we finally were face to face again, lugubrious. The way only thing I could find to say was ” I’m so sorry babe. We will get through this together, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere” I know he was comforted by my words, not entirely. How could he be? This was by far the worst day ever in his mind, I’m sure. I hope to never see that gloomy look again. My wonderful man should wear the infectious smile we all know and love so much, everyday.

I began reading, researching. I read case files on surgeries, studies on different methods, pain control, longevity following this method, that method. I read what seemed to be case studies on case studies. I was obsessed. I wanted to know everything, every outcome, good, bad and in between. I researched Drs, facilities. Spoke to my emergency Drs. It was all so daunting.

A few days into my research I asked James not to look up his surgery. I didn’t want him to worry. This is huge, major, mind boggling, terrifying surgery after all. He agreed not to. I told him I was driving the bus this time and it was his turn to be taken care of. He only looked up the surgery once and for him I think that was enough. For me, the most terrifying part of this whole thing is that they have to stop his heart. Yes, the very thing I work everyday to avoid in the emergency room is going to happen to the man I love.

Moving forward, next was the cardiology appointment. It’s here where it will become more real. James cardiologist was great. She was very informative, she explained he has a 5.8cm aneurysm from his root up through his ascending aorta. Open heart surgery was going to be swift and inevitable. She set him up for an echocardiogram and an angiogram in the cardiac cath lab in my facility for the following week. I felt comforted knowing the people I work with everyday would be the ones helping James through this.

After researching 22 surgeons in northern Ca, I found the one I believe will be the best for this job. He was affiliated with my facility and had a unique resume with vast experience and knowledge for this exact surgery. He has also helped write medical articles on not only the surgery itself but the post operative stuff too. We were very lucky he agreed to take on James case and gave us a surgery consultation appointment the very next week.

Things were moving right along. Echo done, angiogram done, surgery consult done, all in about 2 weeks post diagnosis. Surgery was now scheduled for one month out. We knew we had a long road ahead and so we began to prepare for the battle ahead… together.