Day 3 starts with James feeling the effects of all the medications that were administered over night. Effects ranging from the Afib protocol meds to way too much pain meds given when when he was sleeping and not complaining of pain. The day shift Rn Andrew returns and is perplexed that James is in this condition at all, given he was walking and doing great end of shift the night before. James has now been placed on bed rest and a clear liquid diet. Andrew spends his entire shift attempting to recover James back to where he left him the night before, once again. The evening nurse will end up doing the same tonight.
My days and nights now consist of, getting James drinks when he needs them, massaging any part of his body that cramps up, wiping him down head to toe in between his hot flashes, reassuring him that everything is ok, chasing down staff when there’s a problem, chasing down staff when he needs to move, reassuring him I’m there and wont leave him for any reason and this will get better tomorrow and the next day, hunting down his fave; red Jello (thats a big one!) complimenting him on how handsome he still is to me (He really is the most handsome guy, even thru this) trying not to let him see my tears when he is in pain, gathering info on every aspect of this situation especially now with the new Afib sideswipe that will now have him on heart meds for at least 3 months. The days and nights seem to take forever to go by and then somehow the moments hes pain free, fly right on by. This isn’t fair. Its not fair for him to have to endure so much bullshit in this life. I can only wish and hope that after this everything gets better.
I vow to myself this day to do the best I can, be the best partner I can be for him the most knowledgeable and his best protector thru this. I make promises to myself daily for James benefit these days, its all I can do while watching him endure this. James doesn’t know how to be the patient. He is used to being the caregiver, I know that… him and I are the same in that aspect. “We will get thru this together and tomorrow will be better than today” I tell him….and tomorrow I will promise him the same thing, and the next.. until its all just a distant memory and he is all better. I love you James.